Some Famous MD Jokes
For those of you who don't know who is a MD (Manta
In Germany, the person who owns and drives an Opel Manta car is
stereotyped as a male who is a big show off and as thick as two short
planks, spending lots of money on his car for things like lowering the
suspension, having a fox-tail on the aeriel, and always driving with
one elbow hanging out of the window. Oh yes, and for some reason I
can't quite grasp they can't speak a sentence without saying 'Ey, man,
In France, this would be a R12 Driver, also called un
Manta Driver in Egypt. On a bridge over the Nile he swerves to miss a small
child (what a hero) and both car and driver end up in the Nile. As a hungry-
looking crocodile is swimming towards him he says:
- Ey, brill, ey! Rescued by Lacoste, fab!
Three weeks later at the same spot in the Nile are three crocodiles talking
1: Hey, last week I ate a Mercedes-Benz driver. He was so fat that I've still
got indigestion today.
2: Same here. Two weeks ago I caught a BMW driver who was so tough I am still
3: That is really harmless friend. Three weeks ago I ate a Manta driver who was
such an ari-head that I still can't dive!!
Q: What happens when an MD leans against a wall?
A: The wall falls over.
A: The cleverer gives way.
A man comes to the Brain Transplant Clinic. The head doctor shows him some
of the available merchandise:
Doc: ... and here we have the brain of a Physics Professor. It costs 1500 DM.
Man: And what is that one there?
Doc: That is something very special! It costs 8000 DM.
Man: What? Why is it so expensive then?
Doc: Well, that is the brain of a Manta Driver. Totally unused ...
Two MDs meet. One has a shiny new cup, the sort of which u get when having won
- What is that cup then?
- Fab ey? I won it in the MD Maths Contest. They asked what 7 + 7 is.
I said 12 and got 3rd place!
A manta is bombing along the road at 180 kmph (110mph). Next to the driver
sits his girlfriend, a horny Lolita with curvaceous body. He slams his foot
down going round a bend, and the car shoots off the road into a nearby tree.
A little later the ambulance arrives. The girlfriend is lying dead, several
meters from the car, having gone through the windscreen. The MD himself
looks as if nothing has happened to him, but is bent double with pain.
MD : Aaaarrghhehaiouu, owaowaowa ...
Doc: Say what's wrong then, nothing has happened to you!
MD : Ooooohhhhhaaaaarrr. Bl**dy hell, does that hurt ey!
Doc: Now stop that. Be pleased that you are still alive. Your girlfriend is
lying over there and is dead!
MD : Uaahha - yep well look over there and see what she is still holding in
her hand ... aarrrrggghh.
Q: Why will mantas be built now that are 60mm higher off the ground?
A: So that they can be lowered even further...
Q: What stands at the McDonalds DriveIn and has an IQ of 120?
A: Six Manta Drivers!
An MD is waiting at the traffic lights for them to turn green ...
Going past on the pavement is someone in a motorised wheelchair. The MD asks:
- How fast does your chair go, ey?
- About 4mph or so.
- Ey, man, ey, ya can just as well go on foot ...
An MD goes into a bank.
- Ey, give me 1000 DM, I've got to lower my Manta.
- Certainly, says the bank person, Please sign here.
- I sign nothing, says the MD.
- Then you must got to another bank.
MD in the second bank.
- Ey, give me 1000 DM, I wanna lower my Manta.
- Fine sir, just sign here.
- I won't sign anything!
- Sorry, then you will have to try another bank.
MD in a third bank.
- Ey, give me 1000 DM, My Manta needs lowering.
- Certainly sir, just sign here please.
- I sign nothing, says the MD.
The bank person stands up, goes round the table and BANK, BANK, BANK, BANK,
beats the MD's head on the table.
- Ok stop it, I'll sign, says the MD and gets his 1000 MD.
Then he goes back to the second bank.
- Look 'ere, I got that money, ey, he says to the bank person.
- And did you sign?
- Yer sure, but he explained it properly to me first!!!!
Q: Why do Opel Mantas always have up to 16 Halogen headlamps on the front?
A: As counter-weight for the 500 Watt stereo power box in the back
A: So you can still drive with sunglasses at night.
Q: How do you clear a Birmingham Disco?
A: Shout "Hey Kev, your Manta's on fire!"
Two men meet in the pub.
- Hey, I know this great Manta joke.
- Careful you, I drive a Manta!
- That's ok, I'll repeat it a second time for you.
The telephone rings at the Vauxhall/Opel dealer:
"Ey man, ey fab ey, um, really brill, ah... um, ey great ey... "
The dealer: "Yes sir, and what colour would you like your Manta to be?"
Q: Why did the Manta Driver wear a magnetic glove?
A: So he could still rest his hand on the car roof at 100 mph.
Q: What is small, round, orange, and has at least one spoiler?
A: A mantarine!
Q: Why did 16 Manta Drivers stand in front of the cinema and miss the
A: They were waiting for two more... the film was for 18 only.
Q: Have you heard that the missing like between man and apes has been
A: Homo Manta Erectus.
Q: What is an Opel Manta with a bale of hay on the roof?
A: A Manta with extended memory.
There is this MD (Manta-Driver) who goes into his local toy shop and
buys a child's puzzle.
Exactly one year later to the day he returns to the same show looking
very pleased with himself. He goes up to the assistant brandishing the
MD: Ey, man, ey, I got this puzzle here 1 year ago and I just finished
Assistant: Yes, so what? (she isn't very polite)
MD: Ey, that's not bad ey? It says on the box 3-5 years!
MD's son: Dad can I have a drive in your Manta?
MD: And what's the magic word son?
MD's son: Ey, dad, ey, can I have a drive in your Manta?
An MD (Manta Driver) comes into a hotel, books himself a room and then
goes with his keys and bag to the lift. He waits a while and then the
lift arrives and the door opens. The MD walks in and stands there
waiting. He waits. And he waits. Eventually a porter comes along and
asks him, "What are you waiting for for so long?",
The MD replies, "For the others, ey.",
Porter says, "The others ... ?"
MD replies, "Yer, it says here 'Lift authorised only for 8 people'"
An MD wants to sell his Manta and so puts an advert in the paper:
Opel Manta GTE 200,000 km DM 4500
One week later ... nothing happens.
Two weeks later ... still nothing.
In the third week a friend phones up and says, "Ey, are you daft? If
you say the car has done 200,000 km nobody will be interested. Take a
screwdriver and turn the mileometer back to 50,000 km, then try
selling it again."
One week later the advertisment is no longer in the paper. The friend
rings up again and asks, "Hey, what's up with your Manta?"
The MD replies, "Ey, man, do you think I'm going to sell a Manta
that's only done 50,000 km?"
A Manta and a Porsche are driving along side by side on the
The Porsche speeds up to 120 kmph... the Manta is still there.
The Porsche reaches 160... still the Manta is alongside.
The Porsche reaches 200... the Manta Driver winds down his window and
shouts across to the Porsche driver, "Ey, do you know Mantas, ey?"
The Porsche driver replies "Yes, why?"
The MD says, "Ey, man, can you tell me how to get into second gear?"
There are two MD friends who have exactly the same Mantas: same
spoilers, same fox-tail on the aerial, same keys - everything. So
naturally they have trouble telling which car belongs to who.
The first MD comes up with an idea.
"Ey, man, ey, this is no good!", he says and makes a little scratch on
the bonnet of his car to make the two cars distinguishable.
This is fine for a time, and the two friends are able to tell which is
A few days later though the second friend comes back with the same
scratch on the bonnet! "Ey shit, ey, that's no good!" says the first
MD, and makes a dent in the wing of his Manta.
Again everything is ok for a few days, but then the second MD comes
back with exactly the same dent in exactly the same place on his
This time the second MD comes up with an idea:
"Ey, you know what ey? You take the blue Manta and I'll take the red
Q: What has 4 legs and 1 arm?
A: A rotweiler coming back from the playground.
Q: Why did the MD stick his head in the chip-pan every morning?
Q: Since he wasn't as fast as Nicki Lauda, he wanted to at least look like him!
An MD has a terrible accident. His Manta is totally wrecked. The MD sits at
the side of if and cries:
- My Manta ! My Manta !
The ambulance comes and takes him off to the hospital. When he wakes
up again he sits in his hospital bed and cries:
- My Manta ! My Manta !
The nurse comes along and says to him:
- You shouldn't be worrying about you car! Look at you left leg - it
is not there anymore!
The MD cries:
- My cowboy boots ! My cowboy boots !
A MD comes into a flag show:
- A green Germany-flag, ey!
The shop assistant replies:
- There is no such thing. We have only Black,Red,Gold.
(A name for the German flag is the Schwarz,Rot,Gold or Black,Red,Gold)
The MD says:
- Ok, then I'll 'ave a Red one.
Q: What is the smallest component of a Manta?
A: The brain of the driver of course!
Q: How do you know the garage of an MD?
A: By the dried blood marks at elbow height of course!
Q: What remains when a Manta has burned?
A: A gold medalion and a teary hairdresser.
(All MD's are married to hairdressers)
The new Manta model will only be one meter wide.
So the driver can hang both arms out of a window.